Pappelbon's dog should take lie detector test

Sports fodder for a Friday morning . . .

We're happy that the Wolf Pack football team is having a good time in New Mexico this week. Hey, a chili cook-off and bowling spells fun in any language, right? But except for avoiding Chris Ault's third losing season in 23 years as Wolf Pack coach, there really isn't much reason to play the New Meaningless Bowl on Saturday, is there?

•••

Basketball plays its exhibition games before the regular season and admits they are nothing more than a glorified scrimmage. Football uses them as a reason to practice for another month, take players out of town for a week and forces them to eat bad chili and go to bowling alleys. It also puts those so-called games on national television because, after all, the school didn't earn enough TV money during the regular season.

•••

Wolf Pack 30, New Mexico 27. You know, in case you care. This Wolf Pack football team doesn't deserve to go down in the record books with a losing record.

•••

Brian Roberts admits to using performance enhancing drugs for two days. Brian Roberts said he used them for just one day. Roger Clemens says he never, ever used them. Alex Rodriguez told Katie Couric that he was never even tempted to use them. Why should we believe any of them? Baseball players lied to us for two decades. Why should we believe them now? You shouldn't. That is the biggest shame of all this. Baseball players have lost our trust forever.

•••

Former players and current players who haven't been caught simply need to keep quiet. Pete Rose says that the Mitchell Report makes him look like an altar boy. Curt Schilling says that Roger Clemens needs to give back his Cy Young awards. John Smoltz says that if he was named in the Mitchell Report he would sue somebody and take a lie detector test to clear his name. It sure is fun to watch baseball players turn on each other, huh?

•••

Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo is 0-2 with Carrie Underwood or Jessica Simpson in the stadium. Maybe Romo needs to start dating girls with a little bit of an edge to them. Dennis Rodman used to win championships when he had Madonna and Carmen Electra to go home to. David Beckham earned a huge contract from the Los Angeles Galaxy with Posh Spice. Brian Urlacher was 0-1 with Paris Hilton in the stands a few years ago but at least he was one of the few Bears who actually scored that season. The NFL requires teams to file injury reports this week. It's time they also require players to reveal which celebrities they are dating, you know, so we know how it affects the point spread.

•••

Jonathan Paplebon says that his dog ate the baseball that was used for the final out of the World Series. C'mon, Paplebon, even a third grader knows that the old "dog ate my homework" excuse doesn't work anymore. We fully expect Smoltz to dare Paplebon's dog to take a lie detector test. We blame Red Sox management. After the Doug Mientkiewicz scandal in 2004, why did they let a goofball like Paplebon take the ball home?

•••

A perfect regular season is all well and good. But the New England Patriots have to win the Super Bowl for them to say they equaled the record of the 1972 Miami Dolphins. The way the Patriots have played the last month or so, they'll be lucky to get to the AFC title game.

•••

A week ago the Miami Dolphins didn't have a victory or Bill Parcells. Now they have both. Hiring Parcells, one of the most overrated head coaches in NFL history, probably can't hurt. But does anybody think that Dollar Bill is going to stick around long enough to turn that franchise around?

•••

Mark Fox is the greatest head coach in Wolf Pack men's basketball history. Look it up. Fox, with three league titles and three NCAA tournament appearances in three years, has to get the nod over Sonny Allen right now, especially when you consider the level of competition. And Fox might be doing his best job of coaching this year with his most inexperienced group.

•••

The National Football League needs to do all it can to convince the Atlanta Falcons to move to Los Angeles. Los Angeles, remember, needs a team and Atlanta has never really warmed up to the NFL. It's all about college football in the South. After the Michael Vick ugliness this summer, Bobby Petrino leaving during the season and Parcells turning them down for a one-win team, it's best for everyone concerned for the Falcons to leave town.

•••

Michael Jordan practiced with the Charlotte Bobcats this week. The man will be 45-years-old in February. Yes, this was the most interesting bit of news to come out of the NBA this season. Here's hoping Jordan comes out of retirement again. Hey, don't laugh. If Clemens, who is a year older than Jordan, can earn about $1 million a game to go 13-12 with a 4.45 earned run average over the past two years, why can't Jordan come back?