Humor, events and outrage in time for the holiday

Tomorrow ... have a happy Fourth of July! Since it's the middle of the week, put together a backyard barbeque, invite your friends and relatives, watch the fireworks, take in the carnival, sit under a sprinkler (it's supposed to be in the triple digits), and have a blast. And don't forget that 231 years ago, we declared our independence from England in order to have the freedoms we have today. Look around and appreciate it ... with all its imperfections, we still have the best country in the world.

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We read where some people were discussing a future light-rail track between Reno and Las Vegas. What a concept. Why stop there? Make it go all around the state. We might even connect it with the V&T. No joking ... we think it would be a boon to all of us bringing north, south, east and west together. Nevada ... all for one ... and fun to ride, to boot.

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Russ Law was musing the other day: "What if Bush is right, and everyone else is wrong?" Yeah, and "What if the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?" (a question that's been asked before).

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Cathy Robinson reports on the following: "An elderly man walked down to a pond with a bucket. As he came nearer to the pond, he heard shouts and laughing from some young women who were skinny-dipping. When they saw him, one of them said, 'We're not coming out of this pond until you leave.' The old man yelled back, 'I didn't come here to see you or to make you get out of the pond. I just came down to feed the alligator.'" Some old guys think pretty fast.

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Just when you think you've heard it all ... an inmate in Boston is suing the state of Massachusetts for a sex change (Guy Farmer mentioned it in his column last week). His backers agree that it's a "medical necessity," just like diabetes. Yeah, right. Now, all we have to do for that tummy tuck and nose job is throw a rock through a window and have the state pony up for it. Sorry, babe, but when you broke the law, you gave up your "right" to be a girly-girl. What will they think of next?

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The victims of the Angora fire at Lake Tahoe will now start the recovery from their ordeal. Many agencies are assisting the people who were displaced and burned out, so please continue to support their efforts, and be careful with anything that may start another conflagration like that one. This has not been a wet year at all so the danger is all around us. Again, thanks to the firefighters and all the people who helped out. We couldn't do without you.

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Carolyn (aka "Mamaw") and her grandson, Reed, are going on "Carolyn and Reed's Excellent Adventure" this week to Idaho to see relatives, while her granddaughter, Lexi, will be in Yerington playing for the Carson City All-Stars in a softball tournament. Sounds like they all will have fun. Maizie, in the meantime, apologizes to her grandnephew, 9-year-old Luke Pusich, for calling him "Luke Whalen" (his uncle's name) last week ... eeeeek ... mea culpa (or is it galloping dementia?)

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"The Hightower Lowdown," a liberal monthly, in its July issue states that "politicians are selling our bridges rather than building them." They cite several instances in which different states have given billion-dollar deals to foreign consortiums to run toll roads in this country, and that the trend is multiplying. They also reported that a news director in Austin, Texas, has been outsourced to India in order to save money, stating that "You're still just a phone call or e-mail away from the interview."

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Sooo, along these lines, Bruce Smith sent us the following "hot news:" "Congress has voted to outsource the presidency. As of today, the presidency has been outsourced to India. This move is financially sound, since the president's salary is a half-million a year, not to mention all the additional perks. Mr. Bush was notified by e-mail early this morning. In the meantime, Gurvinder Singh, of Indus Teleservices in Mumbai, will assume the office of president immediately (he is eligible, since he was born in the U.S. while his parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls). He will receive a salary of $320 a month, but with no health coverage or other benefits. Because of the time difference, Mr. Singh will be working at night and will not need a support staff. A congressional spokesperson said that Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of president, but that should not be a problem since prior office holders were not familiar with the issues either. After two weeks, Mr. Bush will be able to collect unemployment for 13 weeks and will have the outplacement services of Manpower, which thinks that he will have a future as a Wal-Mart greeter due to his extensive experience in shaking hands and smiling his special smile. Good luck to both." (Sorry, Elizabeth ... this was just too good to pass up).

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Xi Alpha Chapter of Beta Sigma Phi is holding a garage sale Saturday from 8-2 at 4039 Hillview Drive to benefit the Danielle Conway Cancer Fund. Call 888-9713 for directions and information, and thanks to the ladies for doing this.

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Our deepest sympathy to the family of Reid Meyer, who passed away so suddenly. We will all miss him. We also heard from Mark Rose, whose father, Earl Rose, used to act and direct with Proscenium Players many years ago. We were sad to hear that Earl passed away in 2004 in South Carolina of Alzheimer's. He was a great guy.

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Good stuff: Welcome to Father Chuck Durante, the new pastor of St. Teresa's; and happy birthday to Sister Marie McGloin and Carol's "other brother" Larry (Logan) this week. We also see that the Presbyterian Church is coming along nicely ... the footings are in, and crews are working hard. None too soon for the congregation, we're sure. A big hello to Bonnie Daniels, whose daughter, Victoria Riley, and friend, Maryellen Waltz, are off to England to study at Oxford this summer. What a treat.

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Wild Horse Productions has some summer programs for kids this month. We know of a Summer on Broadway 2007 "Musical Summer Safari" camp for kids beginning July 16, and also a summer improv class starting Monday. Call Pat Josten at 887-0438 for details. Should be fun.

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Don Thayer, of the City Cafe Bakery, said that having the tables and umbrellas outside was a violation of their lease so they were removed. However, some guests of the bakery have been resourceful and brought their own folding chairs. Good thinking, folks. Enjoy an iced coffee for us.

• Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.