I don't want to buy coffee with you

I wish I always had exact change at every check-out so people in line wouldn't be able to make me feel uncomfortable.

People in line can't help it, but they have no patience for someone who needs to put change away before leaving the store.

The way I know this is because I myself hate people who take too long. I hate them so much that I want to push them down and throw their change on top of them.

Maybe I don't want to do this to everyone who holds up the line, but I definitely want to do it to people who explain out loud to no one why they're holding up the line.

I don't do that specifically when I hold up the line, but I do make up for it by taking longer than most slow people because of my bad coordination and poor motor skills.

If I buy a cup of coffee, I have to worry about dumping the drink and the change on myself as I try to get away from the cash register so the next person can buy their drink.

I think I get most uncomfortable when I buy coffee because the customer behind me always quizzes the store employee about the complicated drink they bought the last time they were at the store.

"Remember me?" that customer will say, giving the employee a playful or threatening look.

I don't know why people try to make employees remember their complicated drink orders, but I think it's because they believe that customers who buy items with small, unnecessary and elaborate modifications are important.

People who believe this are the same people who make you taste their drinks when you sit beside them.

"Here," they might say, "try this. It's seriously really good."

People who do this also always get mad if you don't like their drinks and usually argue with you about the whether your first reaction was legitimate.

"What?" they'll say. "You didn't like it? Try it again."

Then, if you still don't like it after the second try, they'll tell you about the ingredients in the drink like you would have liked the drink from the beginning if you had know what it was made of.

"It has real chocolate in it," they'll say, glaring.

People who make you taste their drinks also are usually the same people who make you meet friends of theirs you don't want to meet.

"Oh," they'll say, "two of my friends from school are sitting over there. I think you'll really like them a lot."

"No I won't," you or I won't say, "I just want to pay for this cup of coffee."

• Contact reporter Dave Frank at dfrank@nevadaappeal.com or 881-1212.


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