Colonic irrigation for dummies
One of the most highly praised, highly feared and highly controversial remedies in the alternative medicine chest is colonic irrigation: the holistic procedure that pumps gallons of carbon-filtered water through your lower intestinal tract to scour it clean.
It’s sort of a cross between extreme sports and homeopathy.
Just mentioning colonic irrigation turns the stomach of the squeamish and raises the ire and blood pressure of some medical doctors who dismiss it as medieval and, well, somewhat demented.
Renata Dorner, licensed practitioner of colonic irrigation and owner of Healthy Habits in Carson City, strongly disagrees and thinks any enlightened health professional should be able to see the benefits.
“The practice of using colonics has been in place since the ancient Egyptians,” she said. “They believed that death starts in the colon.”
She points to a book by Dr. Norman W. Walker called “Colon Health, The Key to a Vibrant Life!”
Walker writes, “Not to cleanse the colon is like having the entire garbage-collecting staff in your city go on strike for days on end.”
“Kim,” a regular patient of Dorner’s is on hand to offer a second opinion. She seems to be in good health with nice skin and egg-white eyeballs.
“It’s really a lifestyle change,” she says. “Detoxification has been a way of life since the very first time I did it.”
Dorner nods her head in agreement. “It’s something you really have to try to see,” she said.
Behind the brown door is a state-of-the-art Food and Drug Administration-registered colon-cleansing machine.
Wearing disposable plastic gloves while tearing open a sterile piece of tubing, Renate instructs me on the operation of the important parts of the machine, then shuts the door and leaves me alone with the beast. Off to the left is a cabinet with five metal faucets, controlling everything, including water temperature (usually ranging from 92 to 104 degrees Fahrenheit), “flow” and “rinse.”
On the floor, lit by a triangular fluorescent light, is what is called “the view tube.” The view tube is exactly what you think it is.
I ring a giant bell to let her know I’m ready.
Lying on an incline with a towel draped over me, I’m ready.
Renate turns on the water and lets me cleanse in private.
The wall is covered with diagrams of a healthy colon and news clippings of famous practitioners of colonics. It seems the late Lady Diana spent more than $4,000 a year flushing out her royal colon.
Sensations of bloating and cramping are soon replaced by relief.
The procedure lasts about 45 minutes. Water goes in, does its thing, sluices its way out, and is replaced.
I read over a brochure while the water flows. “Are you a toxic waste dump?” it asks, then compares my unwashed bowels to a Yucca Mountain of putrid matter and mucus.
When it’s over, I’m given a green drink to replace any loss of good bacteria the procedure has washed out of the pipes.
I feel as though I’ve just had a massage. Things appear crisper and colors clearer. Is this all in my head? Psychosomatic? My soul feels bathed.
Colon hydrotherapy professionals tell you these are just some of the benefits a regular cleansing has to offer.
Dorner recommends at least a once-a-month cleansing. Her Healthy Habits store is at 1801 Highway 50 E., Unit E. She can be reached at 884-1898.
Contact Peter Thompson at email@example.com or 881-1215.