Dealin’ with a pint-sized cheatin’ heart
Have you ever had one of those moments where you know that – out of respect – you shouldn’t laugh, but it may be the hardest thing you have ever done?
Like watching a child hurt themselves in a unique way. Not your own child, that would be sick, but some random child you see in the park.
Anyway, bad things happen and you aren’t supposed to laugh, but you do because deep down – it’s a little funny.
What, am I alone in this?
You know what, I’ll prove it. Many of you have written to express interest with how Jackson – the little black cat with white paws that Kate pseudo-adopted – is doing. People want to know if he is living with us, if Kate has completely adopted him and how I am dealing with this new addition.
I’m dealing with it just fine.
Why? Now there’s a funny story.
So Kate and I are coming home from working out the other morning and we walk past an apartment at the other end of our complex and who is sitting in the inside windowsill sunning himself but little old Jackson.
Now, I’m not one to assign human qualities to animals but when Kate saw him – the look on his face very clearly translated to a naughty word.
Here my loving and adorable girlfriend had worked for weeks, moving in baby steps to get Jackson to come inside, to feel comfortable enough let her pet him and to begin to develop a relationship – and the little bastard was playing her the whole time.
I thought stuff like this only happened in country songs.
Now Kate, she was very angry (and that’s putting it mildly) at finding out that her adorable little pet had been double-dipping. When she realized that she was feeding someone else’s cat, it just added fuel to the fire.
Now as sick as it sounds, I kinda like the cat a little more now than I did before. It takes a lot of moxy to pull off the domestic animal equivalent of cheating and he did it with style.
So, kudos to you Jackson (but don’t come around again cause Kate will – well let’s just say she’ll save your other owners the $50 bucks to get you fixed).
I know that in good boyfriend land, I should be comforting her in this difficult time, but come on – she got cheated on by a cat.
However, this incident has provided me with excellent background information about what would happen should I ever go completely crazy and consider cheating on her.
First, she will tell all her friends that she “didn’t really care about me” and that “she knew something was wrong from the beginning” and how it wouldn’t have worked out anyway because I “shed too much.”
Then she will begin to use inappropriate words every time she mentions my name. It won’t be Jarid – it will be Jarid, (beeping) ass.
So really, not much will change.
I also learned that should I ever come completely off-the-edge crazy and cheat on her – never, never come back.
Why? Because the night she discovered Jackson was cat-cheating, she went outside and called him for dinner like she usually does. Had he come, he wasn’t gettin’ dinner – thank god for his feline intuition.
Yet the best part of this came when we went to pick her brother and his girlfriend up from the airport. We are in the Periwinkle PT Cruiser – looking awesome, by the way – and her brother asks about the cat.
Jarid: “So, Kate hasn’t told you what happened?”
Brother: “No, did he die?”
Kate then proceeds to tell him the whole sorted story about Jackson, (bleeping) ass. After she finished her brother had only one thing to say.
“So, you were feeding someone else’s cat? HAHAHAHA. You’re right, that is better.”
Well, at least I’m not alone.
See photos of Jackson on the Party of One blog at http://www.nevadaappeal.com/partyofone
• Jarid Shipley is the Features Editor for the Nevada Appeal. Contact him at email@example.com or 881-1217.