Five things to do by age 27
Recently, a friend of mine celebrated his 27th birthday. While I was happy for him obtaining this age, I was also disappointed in his lack of accomplishment. With less than a year until I myself am closer to 30 (old) than 25 (young and hip), I find myself looking critically at how well I have lived my life.
In realizing I felt disappointment in my friend’s lack of accomplishment, I also realized what it would take for me to consider his life well-lived at 27.
Here’s what I came up with.
– Successfully hit on a girl at the gym. This helps demonstrate your confidence and self-esteem while showcasing your bravery. Why? Because it’s perhaps the most difficult place to pick up a woman. They are focused and usually wearing headphones, so casual conversation is out.
You have to get their attention and make your intentions known quick. You have to look sexy, while wearing your St. Patrick’s Day Budweiser shirt from 1996.
The degree of difficulty is enhanced by the location. Meeting them at the bar is easy because they expect to be hit on, even the grocery store has become a flirtation friendly zone, but the gym is still off limits. They are sweaty, tired and just want to be left alone, so if you get digits you’ve proved your prowess.
If you’ve done it, give yourself 20 man points.
– See at least one game of each of the four major sports in person. I don’t care if you hate sports, seeing them live is an experience in itself. The crowds, the atmosphere and the food are something everyone should experience once. Each sport is unique and has it’s own flavor, which if it doesn’t make you a fan, will at least gain you respect.
It’s much like that fat kid who eats a 10-pound can of beans. You still don’t like him, but at least you respect him.
Please note that the four major sports are football, basketball, baseball and hockey at either the college, pro or semi-pro level. While I believe soccer is a sport, it is not interesting to watch without beer. Hell, even with beer, it’s a stretch.
For every sport you have seen in person, give yourself five man points for a total of 20 possible.
– See the sunrise outside the United States. Do it just so you can say you have. Look, Canada and Mexico are not that far away and with the advances in technology not leaving the U.S. at least once is just sad. Doing it allows you to expand your perspective and enhance your world view. Never leaving your safety space is like seeing the same movie over and over and unless it’s porn, it can’t be good for you.
“But Jarid,” some will whine, “it’s scary and expensive, besides Taco Bell and Olive Garden are just like going abroad.”
You know who says things like that? People who watch soccer, that’s who.
If you have woken up abroad, give yourself 20 man points.
– Learn how to cook one thing really well. Every man should know how to cook one good meal. This means no “microwave for two minute” directions, it must have more than four ingredients and one of them must be a spice. Please note, ketchup and hot sauce are not considered spices.
It shows sophistication and provides an easy way to impress people. Also, it makes your mother happy.
If you can cook something, give yourself 10 man points. If you can kill whatever you are cooking with you bare hands, add another 10 man points.
– Watch “the Godfather,” “Goodfellas,” “Indiana Jones,” “Star Wars,” “Rocky,” “American Grafitti” and a porno. They are all classics and have become ingrained in American life. Put more than two guys in a room for long enough and one of these movies will most likely come up. They all include classic images of guys in some form and provide us inspiration and pride in being men.
Five man points for every movie seen, total of 35 possible.
Give yourself 20 man points if you’ve done IT.
Alright, now add up all your man points on a piece of paper. Now mute that soccer game you are watching, take that piece of paper, roll it into a tube and hit yourself repeatedly with it for actually keeping score.
Got a female equivalent? Tell me about it.