Getting married this weekend? Some good advice before you do | NevadaAppeal.com
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Getting married this weekend? Some good advice before you do

I was reading an article that said Saturday is going to be the biggest wedding day in a decade because of its unique date ” 07/07/07.

So I feel it’s only appropriate that right before the big day, I offer every man getting married on Saturday a little advice: Don’t be Tim McGraw.

For many years, I have watched as more and more people have picked their partner, said some vows, sprinkled some rice and certified themselves married.

Every one who has done it says it doesn’t change who they are, but it does. It’s like drug addicts, when it’s someone else it’s “how tragic, I can’t believe he has become like that.”

But when it’s you going for the nose candy, “special brownies,” or “matrimony” it becomes, “I can handle it. It won’t change me.”

Then next thing you know, you wake up with a hangover and discover some horrible truth like you work for a newspaper and one of your ears is missing.

This scenario could be the result of drugs or matrimony.

I don’t hate marriage, I just fear what it does to people.

Marriage changes people and I kinda like who I am, so something that can change me that drastically is scary.

After all, I don’t want to end up like Tim McGraw.

There he was, a hunky country music superstar-in-training. He sang songs about drinking and living dangerously, hittin’ on women and the carefree life, with the occasional edgy ballad to keep the female fans happy.

He was an “Indian Outlaw” and the envy of a lot of men for what he represented ” freedom.

Then he met Faith Hill.

At first, I was happy. I mean, here was a bad-ass cowboy who was sleeping with one veeeeerrrrrry hot woman. Who wouldn’t be jealous?

Then he went and married her, and his testicles haven’t been seen since.

He turned into a huge freakin’ wuss, writing songs about “making love” and reflecting on life and on and on and on. It’s gotten to the point that he’s including children singing in his songs. WHAT?!?! WHY?!?! You know who does that? Female singers singing sappy love ballads or message songs.

Have you even listened to the words to “Fly Away?” I swear it says, “one, two, three like a bird I sing, cause my testicles disappeared when I put on this ring.”

His marriage turned him from the “Indian Outlaw” into whittle Timmy, the shell of a man who just deserves to have the pantyhose surgically attached.

So here’s the moral of the story: If you must get married, don’t be like Timmy McCries-a-lot.

Better yet, when Saturday comes and they ask where you are, just tell them you are busy living a life narrated by the good songs. Leave the life of sappy duets for when you are too old to hear them. Right now, live a life with fun and danger and drinking.

Just remember to protect your ears.

Think marriage doesn’t change people? Tell me about it.