And so they built a wall
Some right wing heavily armed lunatics have taken over a federal building near Burns, Oregon, and have refused all orders to leave by the local sheriff. Schools have closed for fear of violence. This, along with Donald Trump’s plan to build a wall along the Mexico/USA border has prompted Andy Borowitz on Jan. 4 to pen a short satirical piece about Oregon’s plan to build a wall around its borders to keep out angry white men.
Wrote Borowitz, “This used to be a nice State” said Oregon State Senator Carol Foyler, a pro-wall lawmaker. “Since the angry white men came here, parts of it are unrecognizable.”
Borowitz didn’t suggest who would pay for the wall, but he should have. Since Cliven Bundy and his seemingly psychopathic clan started this anti-land management/anti-government nonsense, they would be a good choice. If Trump would have Mexico pay for his wall (what a farce), Oregon should have the Bundys and their far right unregulated militia pay for Oregon’s wall.
The article got me thinking about walls, and just who might want to build one. Using some facts, I have reached the following satirical conclusions. Don’t get excited, remember, it’s satire, I think.
More than 500,000 Brits have signed a petition banning Donald Trump from visiting their country. England’s Prime Minister David Cameron made it clear that the United Kingdom doesn’t want Trump in their country. Said Cameron, “ I think if he visited our country he’d unite us all against him.” That’s all factual. Kind of ironic that Trump might actually unite a country, it just wouldn’t be ours. I guess the only thing left for the British to do is build a wall on the beaches around the United Kingdom to keep Trump out. Using Trump’s formula Britain will no doubt require him to pay for the wall.
Trump will not have a problem visiting Russia. He’s good buddies with Russian President Vladimir Putin. When Putin was still in the KGB the Soviet Union had a wall separating East and West Berlin. President Ronald Reagan demanded the Soviets “tear down this wall.” Makes one wonder what Reagan would think of Trump’s “it will be beautiful” wall to keep those “Latino families” out of the USA
Canada has announced plans to accept 20,000 Syrian refugees. As we all know these refugees are nothing but a group of terrorists just waiting to drive across our border and bomb us all to smithereens. Why isn’t Trump demanding the Canadians build a wall along our mutual border? Why indeed? Could it be because Canadians like Ted Cruz are just like him? Angry white men can’t get into Oregon, why the USA?
China has The Great Wall of China. It was built during the Ming Dynasty and is approximately 3,900 miles long. It’s not meant to keep people in or out — at least not anymore. It’s just a tourist attraction. People from all over the world come to see it, walk on it, and take pictures of it. I wonder if some day Trump’s wall will become just a tourist attraction. If so, who would get the fees charged to visit, Mexico, or the United Sates?
For years I’ve had to listen to southerners tell me about the North’s war of aggression against the South. It’s been 150 years since the Civil War, you’d think they could get it straight by now. Maybe the North would have built a wall around the South except for President Lincoln’s wish to re-unite the country. Sometimes I wish they had built it. Especially during election years.
Building walls may get out of hand. What if New Jersey Gov. Christie has a wall built to keep Marco Rubio out of New Jersey? This will cause another massive traffic jam. That’s something Christie knows all about.
Yep, this thing could get out of hand. Oakland folks seem to hate San Francisco folks, and vice versa. I think it has something to do with the Raiders and 49ers. If you’ve been up north you know there seems to be no love lost between Montana residents and North Dakota residents. See what I mean? It could get ugly. Maybe the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will build a wall around Utah.
Personally I think we should round up all of Cliven Bundy’s cattle and leave them about 100 feet from his abode. Then we could build a wall around the whole thign so they and their pistol packin’ trouble makers won’t be wandering up to Oregon and giving those people grief. Heck, we’ll even get Bundy to pay for the wall.
Glen McAdoo, a Fallon resident, can be contacted at email@example.com