Call him Gov. Santa-vol
Gov. Brian Sandoval on Friday issued the following Executive Order in preparation for Christmas:
WHEREAS, the children throughout the Silver State are anxiously awaiting the annual visit of Saint Nicholas, also known as Kris Kringle, also known as Santa Claus, also known as a Right Jolly Old Elf; and
WHEREAS, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care and it is therefore in the interest of Nevada’s children, as well as their parents and guardians, that the State of Nevada ensure an orderly and efficient means of carrying out the annual delivery of toys, candy, and other gifts; and
WHEREAS, numerous state agencies, programs, and services may rightfully play a role in guaranteeing that the prancing and pawing of each little hoof shall proceed as generations of children have believed it should; and
WHEREAS, Article 5, Section 1 of the Nevada Constitution provides that, “The Supreme Executive Power of this State shall be vested in a Chief Magistrate who shall be Governor of the State of Nevada”; …
NOW, THEREFORE, by the authority vested in me as Governor by the Constitution and laws of the State of Nevada, I hereby instruct the members of my Cabinet as follows:
• The Nevada National Guard shall clear the airspace over Nevada for the safe passage of one (1) miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer, driven by one (1) driver so lively and quick.
• The Office of Veterans Services shall arrange benefits as appropriate and provide an Honor Guard befitting the stature of a visiting dignitary the caliber of Saint Nicholas, the patron saint of sailors.
• The Departments of Agriculture and Wildlife shall ensure no creatures are stirring on the night before Christmas, not even a mouse; and these Departments shall further ensure the safe passage of reindeer not indigenous to this state, even if said reindeer are unvaccinated and bear no brand, tag or other identifying mark.
• The Department of Public Safety shall ensure safe passage into homes as appropriate for a plump figure dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot; and in the event of any mishap, the Department of Corrections may not detain this particular elf from his work; further, no warning shall be issued to the driver of said sleigh should he be observed talking on a hand-held cellular device or sending text messages to his workshop; similarly no citation shall be issued if the driver in question fails to wear his seat belt as required by state law.
• The Departments of Business and Industry, Motor Vehicles, Taxation, and Transportation shall not hinder or otherwise impair the passage of this important vehicle, or its contents, due to any failure to procure a license, permit or other charter.
• The Department of Education and the Nevada System of Higher Education shall encourage learners of all ages to enjoy visions of sugar plums and other kind thoughts at this time of year. In addition, the Department of Employment, Training and Rehabilitation shall provide workforce training to seasonally-employed elves.
• The Nevada Office of Energy is charged (pardon the pun) with providing adequate and energy-efficient lighting for safe house-top landings in the event of inclement weather.
• The Department of Conservation and Natural Resources shall see to the continued good health and welfare of Saint Nicholas during his visit, despite what surely must be a propensity for heart disease.
• The Governor’s Office of Economic Development and Department of Tourism and Cultural Affairs, together with the Native American Tribes, will make the delegation from the North Pole welcome in our state, conferring appropriate gifts, to include cookies and milk, and providing other abatements properly related thereto.
• The Department of Administration shall make such appropriations of good will and good cheer as are necessary to the Cabinet to carry out this order, and shall ensure the facilities, personnel, and information technology of this State are ready to ensure that Saint Nicholas soon shall be here.
BE IT FURTHER ORDERED, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Great Seal at the State Capitol in Carson City, the day before the night before Christmas, in the year two thousand eleven.
– Brian Sandoval,
Governor of the State of Nevada
– Rudolph Rednose, Secretary of Sleighs