I’m going home to eat cereal
Appeal Staff Writer
I don’t like being introduced to new places by only one friend because during that time that person controls my entire life.
The friend might have you meet terrible new people or show you boring new things, but there’s nothing you can do about it.
Where else are you going to go?
I guess you can try to talk to someone new, but that new person knows you don’t belong in this new place.
“So who are you with?” that new person will say.
“I’m with my friend,” you might mumble, but you have to spend the rest of the conversation explaining how you know your friend and why they decided to bring you to this new place.
You can try talking to new people who your friend already knows, but no one involved in the situation wants that. Your friend and the new person will obviously talk about things they are both familiar with, and they will make everyone unhappy by taking time to explain to you why those things are meaningful or outrageous.
“Now, if you knew Steve, you would never think he would do something like that,” your friend might say in the middle of a story you don’t care about.
You might be able to find someone at the new place who wants to talk to you, but that’s only because no one else there wants to talk to that person.
You don’t realize this at first, but it becomes clear when that person tries to show you an Internet video making fun of Muslims or white people who don’t have very much money.
The worst thing about being introduced to a new place by only one friend is that your friend gets upset when you try to leave without telling them.
I usually just pretend like I’m wandering around aimlessly long enough for people to attach no meaning to the direction I am walking.
I always think this will work, but it never does.
“Hey,” my friend will say, “you’re not leaving are you?”
“Yes,” I don’t say, “I’m going home to eat cereal.”
You definitely can’t leave then, because everyone, not just your friend, is mad over the thought that you would leave without explaining your decision.
“You can’t just leave,” everyone tells each other, “it’s just rude.”
After that, you have to make everyone happy again by doing everything they want you to do.
“Come here,” someone will say, “I have this really funny video you have to watch.”
• Contact reporter Dave Frank at firstname.lastname@example.org or 881-1212.