Either Carson looks like heaven, or Larry is alive, well | NevadaAppeal.com

Either Carson looks like heaven, or Larry is alive, well

by Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse

Hallelujah … St. Teresa’s Church has proved without a shadow of a doubt that you will rise again, like Lazarus, for in last Sunday’s bulletin, Larry Fitzpatrick was declared dead and Father Jerry was saying a Mass for him. One small glitch … Larry was surprised to see he’d “gone,” and called Carolyn to tell her that, unless Heaven looked just like Carson City, he was alive and well. Jenny and Ed Cordisco seconded it, having seen the “deceased” since he’d gone to the “great beyond.” Maizie thought he should have gone along with the whole thing, had a wake, and watched who showed up and who brought food and drink … could have been a great party. Then Larry would pop out of a cake … (obviously, we digress). We’re just glad he’s enjoying the whole thing. Welcome back.

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We have a correction to the address for the SSgt. Skivington memorial fund: Any donations should go to “Southern Nevada Veterans Cemetery/The Freedom Tree Fund, 1201 Terminal Way, Reno, NV 89502. The address given last week has turned the fund over to the Veterans Cemetery group, but anything sent to the other address will still get there. And thank you for remembering “Skip” Skivington.

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DeeAnn Parsons sent us this “Suthin” joke: “A man in North Carolina had a flat tire and had to pull off to the side of the road. He immediately got out of his car and put a bouquet of flowers behind it, and another one in front. He then got back inside the car and waited. A passer-by studied the situation as he was driving by. His curiosity got the better of him, and he turned around to ask the man what the problem was. ‘I have a flat tire,’ the man said. ‘I can see that,’ said the other man, ‘But what’s with the flowers?’ ‘Oh,’ replied the man, ‘they say that when you break down, you should put flares in front and back of your car. I never did understand it, neither.'”

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Talk about biting the hand that feeds you: Every year, NDOT employees put on the Dick Morris Golf Tournament, and every year, they donate money to a worthy cause. This year they decided they would donate to the Children’s Heart Center in Reno, but, when they called the place, the receptionist told them, in rather haughty tones, “Our doctor’s don’t play golf.” They explained that was not what they wanted, that they wanted to donate the money raised from the tournament to the center. “Well,” said the receptionist, “We have our own fundraisers, and don’t need your money.” Well, well, well … so the NDOT golfers called the Las Vegas children’s heart center, and they would LOVE to have the donation. Guess who won out on this one? Seems to us, someone in Reno needs a “gratitude” adjustment.

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Sam Bauman’s column, Jan. 31 on the editorial page of the Appeal, should be required reading for everyone. It’s a good lesson on the history of Iraq and the surrounding area. And, while we’re on the subject of Iraq, have you figured out that the latest “surge” of troops increases the total of Americans there to about 155,000? That’s one serviceman/woman for each 161,000 Iraqis. Great odds, no?

It’s no wonder George W. Bush is building the largest presidential library ever for his “legacy.” There will be plenty of things to fill it: The history of his “personal” war (remember, we should have kicked the crap out of al-Qaida in AFGHANISTAN, but, with no forethought, WE INVADED Iraq because Saddam Hussein “threatened my daddy”), refusal to sign the Kyoto accords (global warming IS being aggravated by our use of fossil fuels per the world’s top scientists), the two comic books he read and a plethora of other misjudgments made by the “great decider.” And the administration has just asked for $350 billion MORE for Iraq, while many people in America go without health care and many of our kids go to bed hungry every night.

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Carolyn spent Thursday morning in Carson Tahoe Regional Medical Center’s ER because of a pain in her side. They ruled out everything imaginable, so now she’s waiting for her ultrasound to be scanned (this is the first episode of the not-made-for-TV serial). We’re both hoping she’ll feel better soon. And Chris DeWitt, head of the Railroad Museum’s restoration crew, is nursing what’s left of his finger that he lopped off this week … OUCH! Hope it feels better soon, too.

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Ken Fraser sends us “The Purina Diet:” “A man was in Wal-Mart buying some Purina dog food, when the woman behind him asked if he had a dog. ‘Duh,’ he thinks, but he’s also feeling crabby, so he says, ‘No. I’m starting the Purina Diet again, since I lost 50 pounds the first time … although I probably shouldn’t, since I ended up in the hospital with tubes and IVs coming out of my arms.’ As he went on with the story, the woman’s eyes were bugging out of her head as she was totally buying it. He further told her that you put several Purina nuggets in your pockets and eat one every time you feel hungry. ‘The package said they were ‘nutritionally complete,’ so I was going to try it again.’ By this time, the whole line in Wal-Mart was enthralled. Horrified, the woman asked if the dog food had poisoned him and that’s how he ended up in the hospital. ‘No,’ the man said, ‘I’d been sitting in the street licking my butt, when a car hit me.’ Several of the people standing in line had to be resuscitated from laughing so hard.”

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Good news: Jerry Massad is back from Paso Robles and a trip down Highway 1, and the Crackerbox is open again; and his cousin Charlie Abowd is back, and Adele’s is the place to be. Z Bistro will be opening up for dinners on weekends, Fridays and Saturdays, from 5-9 p.m. beginning Feb. 23 and 24; and Vonnie Walker celebrates her birthday this week. We also saw Cathy Williams having breakfast the other day … she used to be at Sierra’s on Carson Street when Lisa Taylor had it (unfortunately, it’s now an empty lot). But it was nice to talk to her and learn she’s now with the Smith’s grocery store chain.

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One more chance to audition for “Joey and Maria’s Comedy Italian Wedding,” tonight at the Plaza Hotel and Conference Center at 5 p.m. Call 887-0438 for details. Lots of fun.

Have a great week!

• Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.