Fellas, here’s some advice for next Christmas | NevadaAppeal.com

Fellas, here’s some advice for next Christmas

Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse
For the Appeal

Buoyed by his forethought, a gentleman we know had it all figured out this Christmas (he should have known better … it’s the age-old mystery of “man vs woman”) … he had the presence of mind to ask his wife what she wanted beforehand … “a Dremmel drill” was the answer, so that’s what he bought.

Christmas Day arrived, and he watched her open the gift she so ardently wanted. She smiled, then looked for other gifts under the tree. While there were other gifts, there were no more from him, and he couldn’t figure out why he was given the frosty treatment for a couple of days afterward. A few days after the “big day,” he was in Penney and saw the 70 percent off diamond jewelry sale, and, lo, it came to him that apparently the “diamonds” on the diamond drill bit were not a romantic enough solution to “what do you want for Christmas?”

That the answer should have been “a Dremmel drill” AND “surprise me, darling.” Since missing the inference, he then called her and said, “I see a diamond ring down here I thought you might like” … she came down, did like, they bought it, and the frost melted.

Moral of the story … when your wife asks for a drill, a vacuum cleaner or an electric toothbrush, make sure it comes with another gift (a ring, a weekend in San Francisco shopping or a dinner for two at a lovely restaurant out of town … no Raiders game, no utility underwear, no fishing pole, nothing that has sport or work connotations). Tape this to the mirror in your bathroom, and thank us next Christmas …

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Don’t you think people are rude when they laugh at someone who says, “I know there’s an ‘h’ in Alzheimer’s, but I can never remember where it goes?” Hummmph …

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WINNemucca vs WinneMUCCa … we’ve had votes for each … but none from Winnemucca … ratz … we still don’t know which is right …

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Jack Abramoff, the Washington, D.C., lobbyist, epitomizes the reasons for putting a monetary cap on goods and services given to public officials. Take away the “perks and parties,” and maybe the legislators would have time to get something done without being “influenced” …

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Carolyn met a plucky Irishman this weekend who had a plethora of jokes for her: “There were three soldiers on patrol in Iraq when they were pinned down by mortar fire. The first, a Catholic, said the Lord’s Prayer; the second, also a Catholic, said the ‘Hail Mary’; the third said, “I’m not a Catholic, but I do know a Catholic prayer I used to hear coming from the church basement near my house … B 1, N 42, O 59 … “

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Saturday night, when the wind was howling and the shingles were flying, the weather girl on Channel 4 was saying, “Winds in Carson City are gusting to around 25 miles per hour … ” Say what? Tell that to Cindy and Craig McEwan of Silver State Fitness (they had a lot of damage to their place) … may they be “fit” for business again soon …

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Western Nevada Musical Theatre Company will be having auditions for “Forever Plaid” and “Grease” on Tuesday, Jan. 17, at 6 p.m. in Aspen Room 207 at WNCC. Auditioners are expected to sing a song in under 1 minute (that’s either a very short song, or a very fast one) … for additional information, call 445-4249 … fun stuff …

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And Carson Performing Arts (that’s Carson High’s drama group, for the uninitiated) will be putting on “The Crucible” at the Carson Community Center, starting Friday… call 887-0438 for details and reservations …

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We loved this one Ken Fraser sent us …

“Subject: the years 1981 and 2005. Interesting year 1981: 1) Prince Charles got married. 2) Liverpool crowned soccer champions of Europe. 3) Australia lost the Ashes tournament. 4) Pope died.

“Interesting year 2005: 1) Prince Charles got married. 2) Liverpool crowned soccer champions of Europe. 3) Australia lost the Ashes tournament. 4) Pope died.

“In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry … please warn the pope!”

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Nancy Scott writes us that her husband, Richard, got up on one of the rainiest mornings and looked out the window. He said, “Wait ’til you see the snow!” “What?” she said from her cozy bed. “It wasn’t supposed to snow.”

She got up, looked outside, and saw the rain falling … “There isn’t any snow.”

“I know that,” says Richard, “I said WAIT ’til you see it … it’ll be a couple of more days.” (Richard … better read story No. 1 in this column)

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Alyssa Leck is showing a collection of “Artists Collecting Artists” at the Comma Coffee Caffeine! Gallery this month. Stop by for a cup of coffee and enjoy a look at the work of several contemporary artists collected by Ms. Leck. The show will continue this whole month …

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Sad goodbyes were said this week by the families of Gerrie Garrett and Josie Graham … both lovely ladies who will be missed greatly. May they both be enjoying “Hogan” Jesse, a sweet little dachshund who also passed away this week.

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As some of you probably know, a new bishop of Reno has been named to replace Bishop Straling. He is the Rev. Calvo from California, who will be taking over the Reno Diocese soon. The other day at Mass, a priest (who shall be protected under the 5th Amendment) was praying for different people, including “our pope, Benedict; our bishop, (pause) what’s his name … oh, dear, I’ve forgotten his name (entire congregation giggles here _____ ) … “

Pretty durned funny, even if it was at a funeral …

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Thanks to all who talk and write to us … even to those who vehemently disagree with us … and we end with Bruce Smith’s contribution: “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends … if they’re OK, then it’s you!”

• Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.