Is it really 2000? |

Is it really 2000?

Barry Smith

I’m having a little trouble handling the fact that it’s 2000.

It just doesn’t look right, seeing it on the same old stuff – like my checkbook, and the front page of the newspaper, and the old-fashioned flip-over desktop calendar I use.

By now, I thought we’d be zipping around like the Jetsons. Instead, we still can’t get across Carson Street.

So forgive me if I don’t try to review a whole century or millennium. I have to take it in little chunks, like the stuff that we will all remember from 1999:

– Sagebrush rebels stood up to the feds at Jarbidge.

So, it turned out to be a picnic instead of a revolution. No doubt, had the American revolutionaries invited the Redcoats over for some pickle loaf back in 1776, things would have gone a whole lot smoother. And we’d be playing “God Save the Queen” before the Super Bowl cricket match.

Now a guy in Montana wants to send us 10,000 shovels to repair the Jarbidge road. In return, we’re sending him 10,000 bull trout. Fried.

– Aaron Russo didn’t run for governor. Of course, it wasn’t an election year, but I think we should be grateful for the fact, anyway.

– Carson City government got ready to sell a part of Fuji Park to Costco. Thank God they saved it from BarOne Enterprises, which last year threatened to turn it into an entertainment arena with slot machines. Has anybody checked to make sure Costco isn’t planning a lounge with 800 video poker machines?

– The year opened with Kenny Guinn being inaugurated as governor, marking the return of a Republican to the top office in the state. Nowhere was that more evident than on the official program, where the only Democrat being sworn into office was misspelled as Frankie Sue Del Pappa.

– Carson City got a new courthouse. But not before they lowered the height of the judges’ benches from 33 inches to 30 inches at a cost of about $60,000. The special African wood had to be retooled to fit. Apparently, they were afraid to suggest we get taller judges.

– Gardnerville Ranchos residents considered changing the name of their community. The matter was dropped, however, when they found out Mound House was already taken.

– People only realized that Mound House was the name of a town in Lyon County when the highway patrol began enforcing a new 45 mph speed limit. Before people slowed down, they thought it was called Moonlight Bunny Ranch.

– Nevada Appeal photographer Rick Gunn retraced the route of legendary mailman Snowshoe Thompson by walking 90 miles from Placerville to Genoa to deliver some schoolchildren’s letters. He beat the U.S. Postal Service by four days.

-Carson City got a new roundabout. We’re checking out rumors that it has become so popular, Sam’s Club wants to buy the nearby sewer plant.

– The Farmers Market was moved to the Pony Express Pavilion. Hardly anybody made jokes about the pavilion’s nickname as Marv’s Hay Barn. Not around Marv, anyway.

– Nevada Day was officially changed from Oct. 31. Some Las Vegas lawmakers were skeptical. “We have our Presidents Day just for convenience’s sake,” said Bob Coffin, “and we can’t remember their real birthdays. I guarantee you in five or 10 years, very few people will remember what Admission Day was.”

All I can say is, what the heck is Admission Day? And does anybody know when Nevada Day will be this year?

– Nevada residents supported a ban on water scooters at Lake Tahoe, but only because they thought it banned Californians from riding them.

– A lot of people thought the Y2K scare was the biggest disappointment of the year. Nope. That came during the Ormsby House auction last summer.

– Harry Reid, after surviving an election that included criticism he wasn’t bringing home enough pet projects – Remember the hillbilly commercial? – was singled out in 1999 by a group called Citizens Against Government Waste for being one of the biggest pork-barrel procurers in Congress. Nevada ranked 15th in bringing home the bacon.

“I’ll do my best to move up next year,” Reid said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get more last year.”

– Virginia City’s loyal St. Patrick’s Day crew painted the center strip on the highway through town the traditional shade of green. When they checked the work the next day, though, leprechauns had changed it back to yellow. However, NDOT explained the color change by saying some of its workers had been extra-efficient in getting the center line repainted for the summer. Frankly, we believe the leprachaun story.

– The Governor’s Mansion got a big, new addition and some refurbishing throughout. There’s no truth to the rumor that a week later, Dema asked Kenny to rearrange the furniture again.

– Carson City’s DMV office also got a renovation, which was celebrated by a performance by a jazz band.

– The best thing about the DMV’s new Genesis system was that it made people forget how screwed up is the state’s NOMADS computer system.

– The intersection at East College Parkway and Hot Springs Road got a $3,000 “worm.” Outdoor editor Don Quilici was pretty excited, until he found out it had nothing to do with fishing.

– A Douglas High School teacher got suspended for “unprofessional conduct” because he was calling up adult Internet sites. If he had just gotten a government grant for research ….

– Two people were arrested for stealing skulls from the Lone Mountain Cemetery. I can’t think of a thing funny about that.

– A painted-over sign in Dayton got more attention than any other business in town, leading dozens of merchants to consider painting over their own signs.