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Our knowledge is beginning to weigh us down

Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse

This sounded really good to us … Fred Cessna sent us a picture of “Garfield” with his bunny slippers on, a cup of coffee in his paw, his sleeping hat on, and his eyes at half-mast … ” We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. So I’m not fat, I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!” Gee … we thought it was overeating … what a wonderful explanation for the 66 percent of us whose brains have descended to our waists and butts …

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Then again, it also may explain why our spelling skills have gone to pot … we renamed Katie and Ralph Bregg the “Bretts,” and Gayle Maine (like the state), “Mayne” (“No, Maizie, the “y” is in my first name only”) … mea culpa to all. Shades of Tom and Linda Johnson, whom we renamed once before. The good thing is, everybody’s been nice about it … they’re probably just glad we didn’t call them “Marsha Cookie” or “Carilyn Monroe” (names we used to think were really coooool … don’t bother asking why … we don’t know) …

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Donna Nelson wanted us to run the free credit-report number again … so here it is (it’s a good thing to get this every year, to check up on your credit finances) … 1-877-322-8228. Or you can access the same by going to ftc.gov/credit. The government allows you to get this information free of charge once a year from the big credit companies (or, for a small fee, you can contact them individually … Equifax, 1-800-525-6285; Experian, 1-888-397-3742; and Trans Union, 1-800-680-7289).

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We never like to hear about child abuse … when it happens, and is discovered, we thank those who give their hearts and souls to make things better for the children who are found in such dire need … our thanks go to the lady who saw the young girl, the police who responded, and the medical and social workers who are caring for them. Keep them all in your prayers …

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It’s always a shock to read that someone you know has passed away … and so it was to see that Roger Murdock, of “Murdock’s,” a clothing store that was in Carson City for so many years, died last week.

Roger, a University of Nevada graduate, was a fixture in this city and clothed many of us with great sales, tuxedos and prom dresses. He always had a kind word and a smile.

Then there was Ron McKimmey, the “Lonepine Lawman” at the Nevada State Railroad Museum. He treated many a train rider, old and young alike, to a deputy’s badge and saved the train from robbers on a regular basis (besides being a “real” lawman with the CC Sheriff’s office) … our sympathy to both their families … they will be missed.

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Bruce Smith sent us this one (Elaine, did he really do this to you?) … “A man was walking down the street when he was approached by a shabby looking man, obviously down on his luck. The man asked for a couple of dollars for food, so the other man took out a ten dollar bill from his wallet and asked, “Will you buy beer with this, instead of dinner?”

“No, I stopped drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied. “Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?”

“No, I don’t waste time fishing, ” said the man.

The other man continued, “Will you spend this on green fees or at a house in the red light district?”

“Are you nuts?” said the man, “I haven’t played golf in 20 years, and what could I get for ten bucks down there?”

“Well then,” said the man, “I’m taking you home with me so that my wife can cook you a truly magnificent dinner.”

The poor man was astounded … “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?”

“That’s OK,” the man replied, “I feel it’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex.” (groooooan … )

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Good things … Mike Ryan is retiring from state service on Saturday with a big celebration at the Nugget … actually, now Valerie will have to support him … no wonder he’s joyous. And a big “thank you” to Jason Frey for plowing Carolyn’s driveway after last week’s snowfall.

Don’t forget that the WNCC Wildcat’s baseball team has its first game on Friday … unfortunately, it’s in Glendale, Calif. So, put Feb. 24 down on your calendar when they will play the Colorado Northwestern Community College in a doubleheader at the new field at WNCC … Hoorah!

“Win one for the Gipper (naaah, wrong sport … but you get the idea)” … and a belated HB to Anna Montagano (we hope it was a great day) …

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For those of you who need prodding about Valentine’s Day … the Sunset Rotary is presenting its 13th annual St. Valentine’s “Holiday for Lovers” at the Silver Oak Golf Course (on Tuesday, Feb. 14, of course) … call Pat Hon, 882-5000 (days) or 849-2134 (evenings) for information and reservations. Mallard’s at Empire Ranch (885-1019) will be doing a “surf and turf” the same night, with wine and “sexy” coffee (we hear that it has a liqueur in it); and that The Plaza Center (on south Carson St.) will be doing an evening of “Wine and Roses,” a dinner with Kat Simmons tickling your funny bone … 883-9500.

OK, sweeties, don’t say you weren’t warned …

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Now, especially for TJ, Wayne and Jessica (we had Sunday brunch at the Gold Hill Hotel and met them there) … Eloise Koenig wants us all to ponder:

“If a parsley farmer is sued … can they garnish his wages?”

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor … ”

“Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?”

“Do sheep shrink when it rains?”

“Why do they lock gas station bathrooms … are they afraid someone might clean them?”

“Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?”

“If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?”

And (finally), “Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?”

Food for thought (yeah, right) …

Have a great week …

n Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.