The Popcorn Stand: ESPN could have a snail’s chance |

The Popcorn Stand: ESPN could have a snail’s chance

Those of you who choose to read this Popcorn Stand know my disdain for ESPN, so you know I couldn’t resist using this story to take another shot at the network.

Right up there with poker, hot dog eating and the national cornhole championships, this next event is right up ESPN’s alley. ESPN could have the exclusive rights to the world snail racing championship.

I know “The Ocho,” ESPN8 doesn’t actually exist, but right up there with dodgeball, snail racing surely could be featured on one of ESPN’s networks, even if it’s the web network ESPN3, the “Trifecta.”

More than 150 snails took part in the annual on Saturday. I’m sure ESPN could find a couple of announcers to break down the strengths of each snail and I’m really only half-joking after watching ESPN’s coverage of the “athletes” in the hot dog eating contest and cornhole championships.

Yes, sometimes I can’t bring myself to stop watching ESPN for all of say 3 to 4 minutes. It’s like watching train wreck.

The snails race 13 inches and yes it’s serious business. “We take this seriously,” snail racer John McClean told Reuters.

“We have got training slopes. We look at diet, we are drug compliant as well. It is the whole thing when you look at elite sports.”

You see. snail racing. Another elite sport for ESPN.

Although I don’t know if I could bring myself to watching snail racing on ESPN. You see, I don’t think my disdain for ESPN could be contained to a snail’s pace.

— Charles Whisnand