The Trump registries
President-elect Donald Trump announced that all Methodists must be registered with the federal government. It seems a bishop in the Methodist Church penned an article which was not favorable to Mr. Trump. This means, of course, that the bishop and her followers might not be totally loyal to the government of the United States. They might be fermenting some kind of Trump overthrow. The government must know who these people are.
Trump announced that all persons of the Catholic faith and all those with an Italian pedigree, living in the United States, must register with the federal government. It has become obvious to Mr. Trump that the Pope holds views that are contrary to those of Mr. Trump and therefore poses a danger to this country. Anyone from Italy, or whose parents, grandparents or other relatives, alive or dead, are of Italian decent, must also register. Since they are from a country where Catholicism is the main religion, it must assumed they are Catholics. This country must be kept safe from those who may do us harm.
The Trump transition team has announced that after Mr. Trump becomes president all American Muslims, or anyone in this country from a Muslim country, must register with the United States Government. A Muslim country is defined as any country where Islam is the main religious doctrine. There may be some good Muslims, but you really can’t tell a good Muslim from a bad Muslim, now can you? Therefore the government must assume that all Muslims in this country are here to commit terrorists attacks.
At the same time President-elect Trump says he plans on appointing Supreme Court justices who will overturn the decision finding the internment of Japanese Americans during WWII unconstitutional. This will pave the way to intern all registered Muslims living in this country.
Trump announced today that anyone who is a member of the Screen Actors Guild, or has ever been a member, or wishes to become a member, must register with the the United States government as a possible subversive. It is obvious, or should be obvious to anyone, that a person who would donate as much money to the Hillary Clinton campaign as some of these bad actors did are up to no good and must be watched closely. Remember, they helped make “Brokeback Mountain.” Merciful heavens.
Trump, accompanied by his entire family, has announced that newspaper reporters, editors or anyone working for, or anyone subscribing to, or anyone who regularly reads, the New York Times, Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times or any newspaper which did not seem fit to endorse Mr. Trump for president, must register with the United States government. They are all possible traitors to this country. At the same time the President – elect announced a similar registry for anyone now working for, or anyone who has ever worked for, or anyone who watches on a regular basis, CNBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, or any other TV news network, other than Fox. They are all liars. The president-elect is contemplating a possible registry of all those who he says lie about him on a regular basis. He says Fox only lies about him occasionally. Trump has announced that any woman who is planning to have an abortion, has ever had an abortion, or anyone who supports a woman’s right to have an abortion, must register with a panel he has appointed to protect the unborn. The registry must also include any Doctor who has ever performed an abortion, or who might in the future perform one. We can’t punish these folks if we don’t know who they are.
The president-elect has announced that once he is the president anyone who does not own a firearm must register as a subversive with the government office of the Secretary of the NRA. It is obvious to Mr. Trump that the only way to insure a person’s support for the right to bear arms is if they actually bear arms. The president-elect believes the likes of Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren pose a threat to our free enterprise system. We must know what they are up to at all times. In the future there’ll be a registry of any progressive, who must register as a Progressive Democrat, or Communists, who in Mr. Trump’s opinion, are one and the same.
Along with registering all LGBT people, feminists, and tree-huggers, the president-elect wants a registry of all those who want to eliminate the Electoral College and make the candidate who garners the most popular votes the president. They threaten his re-election.
Editor’s note: Mr. McAdoo offers a satiric opinion piece on what a Trump presidency could look like.
Glen McAdoo, a Fallon resident, can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.