Suffering the consequences from the dumbest idea ever
September 5, 2007
Quick, you’ve got to help me ” holy sweet mother of crap did I screw up.
This particular screwup has been brewing for a while, and realistically I should have seen it coming before now, but I’m an idiot.
I figured it was like being raised in North Dakota ” if you ignored it for long enough you can pretend it didn’t happen, but no, it always comes back to bite you.
It started in May, when the girlfriend and I went out to celebrate my birthday. She wanted to look nice, so she wore a cute button down shirt over a white ” I think it’s called a cami, which I thought was an Australian word for hooker.
Anyway during the course of the evening, I may have had one or two beers and I did something stupid.
You ever have one of those moments where something seems like a good idea but really isn’t?
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That “girl” you slept with, that sandwich you bought from a gas station, tattooing a rainbow on your arm to show your love for Skittles.
I had one of those moments.
We were playing pool and sometime after my third beer, I thought it would be funny to attempt to touch her chest with my pool cue. In retrospect ” this was the dumbest idea ever, but at the time it seemed hilarious.
Well, my prediction wasn’t far off. I did do it, she did give me a very real angry look and we will most likely be talking about it for years.
Cause the chalk stain ruined her favorite cami, which now has a permanent blue mark in the chesticular region.
She tried normal wash ” nope, still there and we had a “discussion” about it.
Then she tried bleaching it ” nope, the blue stain remained and we had a “discussion” about it.
Then she bought this super stain remover that she had illegally shipped in from Mexico and is endorsed by Bill Clinton. He swears this will get out any stain ” and he would know.
Nope, still there.
OK, so how bad can this really be? I mean, so I ruined a shirt after drinking five or six beers, who hasn’t done that? Come on, I’ll say I’m sorry and buy her a new Australian hooker shirt and we’re good.
Yeah, great, super, except they don’t make these shirts any more.
I have to hand it to the girlfriend ” she’s a pro at this little dance we are doing. Just when I have forgotten about it, I get an update about another product that didn’t get the stain out.
My only idea is to put another mark on the other side so they match and call it “retro,” but upon bringing up this idea, I was promptly told where I could stick my “retro.”
I don’t entirely know what that means, but I’m taking it as I’m screwed.
So what do I do?