The best reason to join a band

I admit it, I'm a people watcher.

If there's a large group of people, you can usually find me on the sidelines with a drink, watching others interact. It's just incredible to me the things you can discern about people just by watching their behavior when they think they aren't being observed.

This hobby of mine started because I needed something to do at the bar, because I don't dance in public. This "no-dancing" rule was instigated because when I dance, it resembles Mickey Mouse in "Steamboat Willy."

Knees move, feet don't, arms rock back and forth while eyes stare straight ahead.

It was no different Friday night, when I went with several female friends to Brew Brothers in Reno to see AudioBoxx perform. The band works throughout Northern Nevada, and I try to catch them as often as I can, because they're good.

So there I was, content to sit at a table, listen to the music, and sip my frosty adult beverage while my friends went to the bathroom for the 86th time " always complaining first about how stupid it was to "break the seal."

As I looked around, taking in the groups and singles congregating throughout the bar, I noted several things which I feel need to be shared, if only to make the bar-going experience a little better in the future.

To ladies over 40: Do not under any circumstances wear jeans with sequins or designs on them. I don't care what you look like; they don't suit you, and it makes your age very apparent. You think the giant swan rhinestoned on your posterior makes you look hip, but all it does is make us wonder whether you took your Metamucil today.

Friday night there was a pack of them based at a table across from me, and all of them had something on their jeans. I was close enough to hear their descriptions of the young men who were walking by, and I thought that to actually do some of these acts, they had better be more limber than they looked.

To old guys: Don't stand off by yourself holding your beer " or God forbid " appletini, slowly bobbing your head to the music as if to say, "I like the song, but I'm too cool to commit to dancing." You look like a rapist, and people are scared of you.

Next time, bring a friend and ditch the camo shirt and matching hat because we can still see you, and you are still creepy. Oh, and the ponytail doesn't help.

The other thing I realized is that men and women have different mindsets going to the bar. Men go with their friends wanting to drink and laugh and attempt to meet girls, understanding at best, they will get lucky, and at worst, they will get drunk.

Women have pre-established jobs in the drinking group. The girl in the short skirt and half a shirt who needs some lovin', the girl who is drinking away her troubles in the tight-yet-not-too-revealing outfit, and the angry guardian who looks inconvenienced and follows the other two around like an abused puppy.

Yet in the four hours I watched these groups, the only thing I saw get accomplished is that everyone got either happier or meaner.

The group of old ladies was on their fifth round of red-colored shots; camo man was still head bobbing with conviction while trying, unsuccessfully, to make eye-contact with the short-skirted girl; and everyone else was just trying to get drunk or lucky.

One of my friends began people-watching with me and came up with the most astute observation of the evening. She said, "Everyone here wants to get laid, but only four of them actually will. The four guys in the band."

Told you they were good.

AudioBoxx performs at Decades Bar & Grill April 20 and NV50 inside Dick's Roadhouse April 21. Got a comment? Tell me about it.

- Jarid Shipley is a reporter for the Nevada Appeal. Contact him a jshipley@nevadaappeal.com or 881-1217.