Ho-hum. The Nevada Appeal's editors and I did not receive personal invitations to the Governor's Inaugural Ball, scheduled for Jan. 30 in Reno.
I know that friends of mine did, you know, local business leaders and such. So, I know that personal invitations have been mailed out. But not to me. Not to my editors. Oh boy ... all dressed up, and nowhere to groan. Guess I'll just have to return my party apparel to the rental shop.
Most of you, unless you live in a cultural vacuum, are familiar with David Letterman's top 10 list. Well, I now have one of my own that I made just for this party-poopin' occasion.
My list is for the top 10 ways a capital city newspaper publisher can guarantee he will not receive a personal invitation to the Governor's Inaugural Ball.
(10) Continue to openly and publicly praise the previous governor.
(9) Continue to openly and publicly praise the previous governor, and hope that he remembers you in retirement and invites you over for cocktails on occasion.
(8) Ask the soon-to-be new governor, as primary candidate, questions during an endorsement forum that he trips over like chicken wire.
(7) Do not endorse that same soon-to-be new governor.
(6) Write an overly honest column on why your newspaper didn't endorse the soon-to-be new governor.
(5) Endorse the soon-to-be new governor's opponent by a nearly unanimous board voting process.
(4) Publish a no-punches-pulled editorial on the governor elect's inexplicable insistence to be sworn into office on New Year's Day with a single media representative present.
(3) Do not contribute to the Inaugural Ball's sponsorship funds.
(2) Wonder aloud if there was possibly a massive miscount in votes.
And the number one way for a capital city newspaper publisher to guarantee he will not receive a personal invitation to the Governor's Inaugural Ball is: Drrlllllllll (That's a drum roll in case you didn't know) ... Drrlllllllllll ... Drrllllllll ... Chishhhhh! (Cymbal crash, if you were wondering).
(1) Write a column that lists the top 10 ways a capital city newspaper publisher can guarantee he will not receive a personal invitation to the Governor's Inaugural Ball.
Do I feel bad about not receiving a personal invitation? You bet. If nothing else, my editors and I wonder if maybe the invitations got lost in the one-inch of snow we received last week. Ya think?
• John DiMambro is publisher of the Nevada Appeal. Write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.