The Popcorn Stand: Don’t try to use Trump bottle opener to open inflatable Hidden Valley bottle

I apologize for being so late with this as the HallowThanksMas season winds down. I realize the main Christmas shopping season is over as were past Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. (I assume those are all terms that are still used).

But then again it’s never too late to cover the good, bad and ugly of weird Christmas gifts being offered this HallowThanksMas season.

One of the ugliest gifts I didn’t care for although I don’t have to worry about because I’ll never have beard are beardaments. That’s right little ornaments a man can stick in his beard. This gift makes no sense to me as I don’t think any man who has a beard would would want to stick little ornaments in it.

Another gift that makes no sense to me is a giant inflatable bottle of Hidden Valley ranch dressing, which I guess is designed to be a Christmas decoration you put in your front yard. A gift of the rea thing makes a lot more sense.

There’s also an inflatable cup of noodles you can stick next to your inflatable Hidden Valley bottle on your lawn.

Another senseless gift is a wine stopper shaped as a mouse. Who wants something shaped like a mouse sticking out of their wine bottle? Apparently, though, this is actually a gift to get your cat more interested in wine.

No matter your opinion the President (full disclosure I’ve never thought much personally of him), this gift is actually pretty cool. It’s a talking Trump bottle opener, which, yes, utters a phrase impersonating the President every time you use it to open a bottle. I predict this item will be YUUGE! YUUUUGE!

There’s also a Talking President Predicto, which is a more sophisticated version of the magic eight ball.

A gift I thought was pretty cool at first was the belt buckle drink holder until I realized I don’t tuck in my shirt.

The best gift I saw which didn’t seem so weird to me was the Comfy, basically a supersized comforter you wear over your body to keep you warm.

Other weird gifts I didn’t really care for include sushi socks (yes, socks that look like sushi), a car umbrella, and an app-controlled paper airplane, which to me kind of defeats the purpose of paper airplanes.

For the whole list of weird gifts go here:

I know it’s late, but again Happy HallowThanksMas everyone!

— Charles Whisnand


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