Trina Machacek: Words of women

Women talk wisdom constantly. Just ask us and we will tell you. There might be a teeny, tiny catch though. I’m pretty sure that men don’t always understand the wisdom-filled words that are coming out of our tiny, delicate flower-like mouths. Sadly, there are times that I as a woman talk in what might be called “Words of Women.” Words that, for some unknown reason, only women understand. For instance, deciding on where to go out to dinner. This should be so easy for a man to understand. He might ask, “Where would you like to go for dinner?” Now the pat answer is usually a demure, “I don’t care. Wherever you decide.” Well, hold your horses there, buckaroo. This is actually what she might mean. She’s telling you that she wants someplace nice, but not too pricey so she can’t have dessert, to which, of course, she will say “no, no” to but will ask for two spoons when you order the double chocolate mud cake with extra whipped cream that she pointed out to you on the dessert menu. She is also saying, “Take me someplace where there is no mention of a low-calorie plate or anything cholesterol free or heart healthy.” But! Yes, a skinny “but.” But she wants to go someplace that she will feel she must point out what is best for you to eat and then order the baked potato loaded with all the fixings that the server can carry in two trips from the kitchen. See how easy that is? Of course, as I said this might be what she means to say or it might not be what she means to say. It’s all, from my side of the fence anyway, very clear and I can’t for the life of me understand what the communication problem is when a woman speaks. Ha, ha.

If you reverse the dinner thing, what happens is amazing. The man might say, “What’s for dinner?” Now, what do you think this could mean? Well, for all the years I had this question asked of me, I have come to realize this: It doesn’t really matter what is for dinner. What matters is that it is nearly or already done and the food is plentiful and filling and that dessert is served in a big bowl. This lesson is so easy, even a newlywed will get it in less time that it takes to learn to take shirts out of the dryer as soon as it stops so you never have to iron again.

Not long ago, an event led to the use of words of women producing a snicker. You know how long the lines are when you go into a Costco? Well, that was the scene. I was between a flat cart full of wine and cheese and Baggett bread including a birthday cake in front of me. A sure sign of a party in the making. A red cart full of huge packages of pre-cut vegetables, pork chops and enough coffee to keep the entire population of Montana awake for a week was behind me. My little pittance of the have to have but shouldn’t buy dozen of blueberry muffins and the same number of croissants and the extra-large container of Oil of Olay because I think it will work wonders on me. (A girl can dream.) So the guy with the wine says to the woman he is with — uh, he “wines” to her, ha-ha, “So, this is the last stop. Right?” She looks at him knowingly and, with such a delicately worded answer, said, “Sure. Well, just a quick stop at the mall to grab a gift and a card and we will be home in a jiff.” The snicker came from the woman behind me with the pork chops. The man exhaled enough air to deflate one of those Macy’s Day parade balloons of Scooby Doo because he knew his afternoon was shot. Even though words of women are masked in feministic overtones, a male, if he is in tune, can ferret out the undertones.

I am actually very glad that there are these magical and somewhat mysterious words of women. We have a responsibility though to use this power for good and not for evil, however tempting the former might be. Seriously. Yeah, right, like anyone can be serious after all that. As a girl, I had to learn about the ways of boys. As a woman, I had to learn about the ways of men. This is some of what we as girls and women learn.

Boys will be boys and men will also be boys, just dressed in bigger clothes.

Trina lives in Eureka, Nev. Find her on Facebook, Instagram or share at itybytrina@yahoo.com. Really!