Trina Machacek: How old are those shoes?

I am the first person to admit that my wardrobe is totally for service and not at all for show. I know I have two dresses. One is my wedding dress. The other is stuffed way in the back of my closet. I know which hanger it’s on because it’s still covered with plastic from the dry cleaners. Not that it ever was at the cleaners. Nope I took the plastic wrap off of a Pendleton shirt my other half had cleaned maybe some 22 years ago. You know, it’s true and I can attest to this. That plastic stuff lasts forever!

Oh the clothes around here are washed with vim and vigor and are only dirty after a hard day in the shop or yard or playing in the mountains. But! Yes a forever rumpled “but.” Fancy is not to be found at Casa Trina. That goes for shoes too. Actually shoes especially. The likes of anyone disguised as Imelda Marcos has nothing to fear from me that’s a given. Shoes came into my view just a few days ago. When I came in and took off, OK, peeled off my daily shoes, a pair of New Balance sneakers that by now have more miles on them than the race cars Jerry drove on the Baja 500 in the 1960s! That’s just one pair of my shoes that live on my back porch.

Back there I have two other pair of footwear waiting for my feet. Beside the above-mentioned shoes that you can tell are mine because they have neon pink shoelaces that are no longer needed to be untied because the shoes have become like a second skin on my feet, there is a pair of sandals waiting to go somewhere. Besides everyday foot covers all summer, the sandals are for those quick trips out the back door to the garage to get something from the freezer. Just as a side, I like my freezer in the garage. That way I have to really, really want ice cream before I weigh the effects the ice cream will have on my back side against the trip to the freezer. Just saying. Moving on…

The third pair are slippers. With good soles and sheepskin uppers with fluffy lining. These are for when there is snow, and the sandals are “No Bueno” for late night trips for ice cream. Yes, I have all my bases covered in my comings and goings. UNTIL! I have to go out in public. Then I pull out my “town shoes.”

Yes, town shoes. We all have what I would consider shoes to wear when we go someplace special. Well to me town is special enough for my “town shoes.” Nothing too exciting. Also New Balance sneakers, they are one step up from my back porch New Balance sneakers. Yes, at one time my back porch shoes were town shoes. Until the pair they replaced were so far gone even the outside cats would run when I wore them outside. They were literally so bad my little toe stuck out one side. I do think even a family of field mice were calling them shoe slums.

Well just a few days ago I found myself in that position again. Where I must get rid of my everyday back porch sneakers and replace them with what are now my “town shoes.” Here’s the story.

I had surprise company and in my everyday appearance I was wearing my back porch shoes because I was outside — retrieving “something” from the freezer, wink, wink. Well we came in the house and sat at my kitchen table to chitty chat. It was then that I realized something was amiss in the air. Yes. It was my shoes! P.U.

You know when you are embarrassed because you just noticed a big old slop of gravy is on the front of your shirt? Well, when you are talking and an aroma wafts up from your own feet! That’s the same feeling. How embarrassing.

I apologized profusely, put my shoes outside and sprayed the area laughingly with Lysol. Doused my feet too. My guest was amused and kind, but those shoes now live in the trash trailer. I do think they could have walked themselves out there! My “town shoes” have been moved up — or would that be moved down — to become my new back door shoes.

And that’s why I may have one dress I never wear, but I always have an extra pair of new shoes in my closet. With my signature neon pink shoelaces. Be Happy In Your Shoes.

Trina Machacek lives in Diamond Valley north of Eureka. Buy her books at theerurekacountystar.com. Email itybytrina@yahoo.com.