February is around the corner. Love is in the air. A healthy relationship is one of trust and respect. It includes communication where both parties can freely express opinions and concerns. But what happens when love isn’t what we expected? What if violence is involved? Or there is risk of harm?
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. This column will outline some of the warning signs of dating violence. It will also highlight some resources for those who find themselves in abusive or controlling relationships.
At first it can be difficult to identify an abusive relationship. Often, abusive behavior occurs in cycles. It may begin with an initial “honeymoon phase.” The couple seems very much in love. This is followed by a tension-building time. The relationship becomes strained. And one partner lashes out. This may include emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical abuse. Then the abuser apologizes, and the relationship returns to this cycle. Noticing patterns that include imbalances of power and abusive behavior is a first step.
For many reasons, the cycle repeats over and over. Sometimes, this is because the pattern seems “normal” to those involved. In other cases, the person being abused believes it when the abuser says they are going to change. They may also feel trapped or afraid to leave due to emotional or financial dependence. The partner who is being abused may believe they somehow deserve the abuse. The truth is it is NEVER OK for someone to take out their anger or frustration on their partner by being violent. And no one deserves to suffer harm from another person, especially one who claims to “love” them.
People in abusive relationships often mistake controlling behavior for love. They think things like, “They’re only checking up on me because they love me.” “They’re jealous that someone else looked at me.” “They won’t let me see my friends because they love me so much, they want me to spend all of my time with them.” If you find yourself saying these things it could mean you need to seek help.
Some of the most common abusive dating behaviors to look out for:
• Checking your cell phone, email, or social media without permission
• Isolating you from family or friends
• Putting you down, especially in front of others
• Extreme jealousy or insecurity
• Unexpected or explosive anger and mood swings
• Blaming you for everything bad
• Physically hurting you or threatening to hurt you in any way
• Possessiveness
• Telling you what to do
If you or someone you care about is in an abusive relationship, turn to a trusted adult. A teacher, counselor, healthcare provider, or religious leader can all be good resources.
Advocates to End Domestic Violence is a local resource right here in Carson City. They have a 24-hour crisis hotline at 775-883-7654 to help talk through your questions. You can also visit their website at https://www.aedv.org/. Follow them on Facebook at advocatestoenddomesticviolence.
AEDV is the largest domestic violence shelter in Northern Nevada. They offer many programs to help those who are or have experienced abuse is relationships.
Other resources for help and information anytime, include:
911 if you are in immediate danger
Love Is Respect
1-866-331-9474
TTY 1-866-331-8453
Text: loveis to 22522
Chat online: www.loveisrespect.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
TTY 1-800-787-3224
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
For information on dating violence, visit www.breakthecycle.org. Break the Cycle inspires and supports young people 12-24 to build healthy relationships and create a culture without abuse.
For information about department programs and services, check www.gethealthycarsoncity.org, follow us on X formerly Twitter @CCHealthEd, “Like” us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/cchhs, follow us Instagram @gethealthycarsoncity, call us at 775-887-2190, or visit us at 900 E. Long St., in Carson City.
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