Moms say their day is mostly about the children

In years past, a bright sunny day with clear skies and no job to go to would have meant nothing but relaxation for these four women.

Not anymore.

On this day, instead of basking lazily in the sunshine, their minds are consumed with practical matters.

Like who has the sunscreen.

"I have some in my car," said Sonja Sisco, 30. "I can go get it."

The women - in their late 20s to early 30s - are all new moms of infants or small children. They temporarily park their strollers one next to the other at Sonoma Park, maneuvering them like small cars in an otherwise uncongested lot.

Sonja, Rachel Bennett, Laura Young and Jamie Castle, all Carson City residents, are at the park on a Friday - a workday for most people - because they recently gave up their professional lives in pursuit of another full-time career: raising their children.

The topmost sacrifice is not the crunch in the budget, as might be expected, but a loss of professional identity.

"The biggest thing is you are no longer who you were," Rachel said. "Suddenly you're Hannah's mom. Or you're Jordan's mom. I'm really glad I can stay at home with Laura, but the Tuesdays and Thursdays (when I work) are really nice because I still get to be Rachel."

Rachel Bennett's story

From the beginning, Michael Bennett, a civil engineer at Lumos & Associates, hoped his wife Rachel, 29, would stay at home when their first child came. But Rachel, a sales employee at Southwest Gas, had been in day care as a child and figured she could provide the same opportunities her mom did as a working mother.

Their daughter Laura, named after a great-grandmother, came along Aug. 17, 2005. Rachel returned to work after 11 weeks of maternity leave and her mother-in-law, who lives in Carson City, watched Laura. Rachel soon found the one hour in the morning before work too short a time with her daughter.

"It was so hard to leave every day," she said. "I cried every day on my way to work."

Even after Michael picked up Laura from work, Rachel had little more than an hour to be with her in the evening.

"I got two-and-a-half hours a day with her until the weekend came," Rachel said.

About the same time, she took her daughter in for a two-month checkup and realized she couldn't answer the detailed questions - how many ounces Laura drank a day, even how many bowel movements she had.

Days before Christmas, Rachel made the decision to turn in her resignation, but her boss gave her the opportunity to continue work at the gas company via Manpower on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She accepted.

"You have to do what's best for you, and if you are given the opportunity to stay home with your children why not do it?" she said.

Rachel also opened a home-based virtual assistant business, Executive Options, offering accounting, PowerPoint and special projects, to raise additional income.

"You stay at home and people think you sit on the couch and do nothing all day," she said.

She understands why mothers want to work. Her own mother, who worked full-time, gave her ample opportunities for sports, travel and vacation. She also understands the attraction of a career.

"I respect any mom who makes the decisions she does, and I totally understand there aren't a lot of women who can stay at home," she said. "I'm lucky enough to be in a position to be able to stay at home."

She hopes her virtual business does well enough that she can work from home and take her daughter to and from school, once Laura is old enough.

"There's something to be said for being home and just being a mom," she said. "That's why I got pregnant. There's always something additional you can give up, if you really want it."

She is looking forward to Mother's Day - and not because she's a mom, but because she better appreciates the mothers in her own life, both of whom have helped in countless ways.

"It's not even about me," she said. "Now that I'm a mom, it's so much more important to show the moms in my life how important they are, that everyone needs their mom."

Jamie Castle's story

Jamie Castle, 34, knew from the beginning she would be a stay-at-home mom. When she and her husband, Ron Castle, an engineer at Southwest Gas, moved to Carson City from Las Vegas in November 2004, Castle, a teacher, substituted for a short time.

But then their son, Jordan, came along Nov. 4, 2005, and Jamie stopped working.

"It's always been (Ron's) high hopes to have a wife who could stay home with the children," she said. "He kinda brought it up to me, and I kind of wanted to do the same. It was more of a mutual decision."

Jamie likes being able to spend her entire day with Jordan. They often listen to a CD of children's songs, of which Jordan's favorite fast became "When the Ants Go Marching (one by one, hurrah! hurrah!)." Jamie now sings it to him, eliciting a smile and laughter.

"I would be missing the milestones of his growth if I wasn't at home with him," she said. "I think that's the best thing about being a stay-at-home mom."

The two also go to the Carson City Recreation Center at least once a week where they spend time in the water.

"He so loves the water," she said, as she gently pushes the smiling boy on a swing at the park. "He likes to swing too."

A additional benefit to staying home is that Jamie catches up on housework while Jordan sleeps.

Ron and Jamie plan to have a second child; but after the two children are old enough for kindergarten, Jamie wants to return to work. She hopes to work for the Carson City School District and keep the same hours as her children.

"I do miss work," she said. "I plan to go back after they start school."

This is her first year being a mom on Mother's Day.

"It's a novelty," she said. "It's kind of new. It's kind of exciting."

Laura Young's story

Laura Young, 34, learned that best-laid plans often change, especially when babies are involved.

"When I first got pregnant I intended to go back to work," she said. "The more pregnant I got, the more I thought how I wouldn't be able to leave her. And after we had her, I looked at my husband and said, 'I'm not going back to work.'"

Laura worked full-time as a home health nurse and visited homebound clients up until three weeks before her daughter's birth, Dec. 22, 2005. Her husband Tom is a civil engineer for Lumos & Associates.

"My mom was a stay-at-home mom, and I've always wanted to be stay-at-home too," she said. "We've been lucky. We don't have too many sacrifices. We just have to watch our budget a little more."

Just more than 4 months of age, Hannah is wearing infant clothes designated for 3-6 month-olds.

"She's a petite little thing," Laura said.

A small cap covers the sleeping girl's head as she rests in her mom's arms at the park; later, the little girl awakens and smiles for her mom and the other women.

Mother's Day will be Laura's first.

"It's almost kind of surreal," she said. "It might be more like a normal day for me, just because I'm home. I'm looking forward to it."

Laura did consider working part-time, but said too many area day cares charge for a full week no matter how many days they watch children.

"There's no part-time day care in Carson," she said. "You can take them part-time, but you have to pay full price. I'd rather just stay home with her because day care is all or nothing around here."

When Hannah reaches school age, Laura wants to return to work as a nurse in the school district so she can keep the same hours with her daughter - who at this young age enjoys putting things in her mouth.

"Don't eat that arm," Laura says to Hannah. "It has soap on it."

Sonja Sisco's story

Sonja Sisco, 30, kept working after her first child, Shaun, was born Oct. 26, 2003. She and her husband, Craig, who lived in Las Vegas at the time, had a wonderful baby-sitter - a Scottish one with a cute accent - enabling Sonja to continue as an administrative secretary for the Clark County School District.

But within a year, the sitter had moved, and Sonja, who had found a second one, was having different thoughts about working.

"By that time, it became obvious to me I was missing some things," she said. "It kind of hit me that the baby-sitter was telling me what my kid watched and liked to eat. She was actually watching my son grow up. Nobody can care for your kids as much as you can. As much as we loved our baby-sitter, she wasn't the mother ... and the father."

Sonja gave up her job, an integral part of her identity.

"I'm a very scheduled and structured person," she said. "At my work I had that."

The couple's second child, Ashley, came along April 9, 2005. The family moved to Carson City in November 2005. Craig is an engineer for Southwest Gas.

"Of course, you have to pay attention to the budget a little more," Sonja said. "Before my income was just for toys. I couldn't go out now and buy a big-screen TV. We have to save."

A Mustang drives by Sonoma Park. Shaun, 2, is trying out all the park's play toys with new children who have arrived.

"Do you see what mommy will be driving once the kids are in school?" Sonja asks.

What's hard about being a mom, particularly one that stays at home, is the identity that could continue if she kept working.

"You become the person who supports the kids," she said.

Mother's Day is nothing new for her.

"It's nice to have a day dedicated to what you have chosen to do with your life," she said. "But, when you think about it, every day is kind of Mother's Day - you wake up and the kids are happy to see you, even if your hair is sticking up and you didn't get a full eight hours of sleep."

Come together

Their mother's group started several months ago and gives them a sense of cohesiveness in their otherwise child-oriented world.

"It's really nice to get together," Sonja said. "It's nice to have the companionship. When someone freaks out, you can talk to someone else and know 'Oh, we're good.'"

The women try to meet once a week, sometimes on other occasions when it works out - for walks down the streets, time at the park, or chats at each others' houses.

"It's nice to talk to an adult," Laura said.

"And it socializes the kids too," said Jamie.

They speak of the best places to shop for shoes, what's happening on "Sesame Street" and how their children are progressing.

But to be part of this support groups means first that they had support from other people in their lives - their husbands.

"I'm here now," Sonja said. "This is my commitment."

"You're a mom 24-7, whether you want to be or not," Rachel said.

• Contact reporter Maggie O'Neill at moneill@nevadaappeal.com or 881-1219.

By the numbers

The following numbers are for mothers with children under the age of 3

2005

• Of the 9.36 million mothers in the United States with children under the age of 3, 5.4 million, or 58.4 percent were in the work force, meaning they worked full-time, part-time or were looking for a job.

• Of the 9.36 million mothers, 37.3 percent worked full-time, 16.8 worked part-time and 4.1 percent were looking for employment.

2004

• Of the 9.34 million mothers in the United States with children under the age of 3, 5.3 million, or 57.5 percent, were in the work force.

• Of the 9.34 million mothers, 35.9 percent worked full-time, 17.1 worked part-time and 4.4 percent were looking for employment.

- Source: U.S. Department of Labor

Licensed area day-care centers

• Alisha's Day Care: 325 Dan St., 882-7172. Part-time rates available for three days and up

• Carson Learning Center: 1809 N. Edmonds, 884-2273. Part-time rates available if not full

• Capital Christian Center: 1600 Snyder Ave., 883-1478. Full-time rates only

• Educare Academy: 2210 Lone Mountain Dr., 882-3011. 3- to 5-year-olds only for preschool. Full-time rates only

• Kidding Around Preschool and Day Camp: 430 Jeanell Drive, 885-8588. Full rates for infants up to two; Part-time rates for two, three and five days for children 2 and up. Web cam, where parents can watch online

• Kids Klub: 801 Roop St., 887-2290. 3-5 years of age only. Pay for the month.

• Kinderland Nursery School: 1002 N. Curry St., 882-2850. Can do drop-in rates or part-time rates

• Linda's Nursery: 2201 Birch St., 882-6879. 18 mo. and up only, full-time rates only

• Nancy's House: 350 Cambridge Ct., 884-1969. Part-time and full-time rates.

• New Beginnings Child Development Center: 135 Esmeralda Dr., Washoe Valley, 849-3932. Part-time and after-school rates available

• Puff N Stuff: 1212 N. Roop St., 883-1515. Part-time rates available starting at three days per week

• Playhouse Kids: 10034 Highway 50 East, 246-3366. Part-time rates available

• Robin's Nest Day Care: 510 E. John St., 883-6766. Daily rates and drop-in rates available

• Shelly Bellie's Child Care: 2109 S. Roop St., 883-2627. No part-time rates available

• Sierra Vista Children's Academy: 503 E. Telegraph St., 883-5248. Does offer a part-time rate, up to 25 hours of care or less

• Victory Kids Club: 300 Hot Springs Road, 885-7744. Tiered rates available depending on the number of hours

• Wee Express Pre-School & Care: 950 N. Minnesota St., 882-4482. Part-time rates possible if parents want to pay a full-week of the insurance cost

• WNCC Child Development Center: 2201 W. College Pkwy., 445-4262. Full-time rates for infants 6 months to 6-year-old children. Part-time hourly rates for children three to six. Evening care for ages 3-12.